Underestimated

Have you ever been underestimated? I have for years, because of lack of education etc. With my lack of education I have taught myself many things. I am improving as I grow. I have been homeless more than I can count. When I was homeless I wanted to find myself and what things homeless people endure. I have had people offer me jobs, which I jumped and took the offer. Some homeless are substance users or just gave up on life because the don't want to go on. I never stayed homeless for long. I have traveled many states, from Seattle, Washington to the southwest, back to the mid west and to the east. I traveled some on foot, some by driving. I enjoyed all my travels. I met all kinds of people. I put many miles on my feet. I carried a backpack filled with supplies and personal things. I have ridden with truck drivers back in the day. Now days with the new laws its different. They make it harder on truckers to pick up riders. My times on the road with truckers was to keep them awake. I gave them back massages; driving truck takes a toll on the body. The first truck I started trucking was at age 19. Most truckers will respect you as you respect them. I have never had any problems with them. I went to Montana and the snow storms can be fierce. Truckers can't pass due to bad weather, they are stuck on the roads for days sometimes. I have experienced that. Since I was a survivor of many things, I had no trouble coping. I learned to grow thick skin. I did the 'mind over matter' scenario. When driving myself I would stop when seeing other truckers broken down to see if I could help any. The reason for doing all this traveling was because when you are told you're stupid or will never learn anything and amount not to be anything I tend to believe them. I have changed my thinking since then. Life out there alone isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Areas for improvement

My Strengths 1) I keep my house clean. 2) I can bake and cook. 3) I take care of the people who I love. 4) I am determined 5) I don't give up and quit. 6) I work to improve myself 7) I love animals and people 8) I am very protective 9) I am self teaching 10) I am good at reading people 11) I care how people treat others 12) I am humble, loyal, honest, sincere, trustworthy, open minded My Areas for Improvement 1) I get frustrated when I don't do something 'perfectly' 2) I some times trust others before they've actually earned it 3) I some times don't share my feelings 4) I some times lets situations go too far before I act to end it Goals I Want to Accomplish 1) I want to act in film and on stage 2) I want to direct and produce my own monologues 3) I want to start my own business 4) I want to learn how to effectively help others overcome being bullied 5) I want to have my own TV series

My family

I was brought up thinking I was loved. If I was, my life wouldn't be such a mess. I would have friends. Instead I am alone in a dark lonely world. I had a lot to deal with through growing up. Helping with farm chores. I hated it. The cows would kick or lay on their milkers. All I could do is freak out and yell help. I was best in the house when it time to do dishes, clean house and cook and bake. I paid attention to details as a cleaner. One who you could say, the house was so clean you could eat off the floor. I cleaned daily if it needed it or not. I am obsessed with cleaning. I can cook with what you have in your freezer and pantry and make it a meal. I don't need a cookbook. I bake many things and wish one day to get my own shop, it would be a cook/bakery shop. You eat there and buy baked goods. I will have it set for anyone who is a senior, organization, business owner, have a discount for referring me to others. This is a far off idea for I need Karma, etc. I am a happy-go-lucky person if you ever see me in public I am always smiling. Why you may ask, because I have to hide the unhappiness I have inside. When going to school I tried to make friends. I was very unsuccessful until I bribed the boys to play football, baseball. At least I was included in a group and not left out. I am still trying to find a group of friends that will accept me for my lifestyle. Everyone needs a group of friends. A group of friends doesn't bully you or make fun of you for your lifestyle. Accept me for a friend or it won't work. I am not negative here. These are facts, feelings or opinions. Next blog coming soon!

Parent-Today vs Yesterday

To me, parents today are the same as my parents were when I was growing up. The upbringing hasn't changed any. Many parents don't tell their children they love them. Kids need to hear you parents say 'I love you'. Three little words that I never heard when growing up. I had to assume my parents loved me. If I had to guess those little words were never said to you, so why tell your kids right? Children of all ages need to hear those words. If you haven't said these words to your children ever start today. Let them know you love them enough to care how much they mean to you. I listen to parents today, there are parents that don't show any affection to their children. I never got enough affection from my parents. You parents are the role models of today's children. If you don't show affection and love, they won't show your grandchildren any love. I feel that if you take time to show affection and love to your whole family, families will stay together longer. If I was given even some love and affection by my parents I would know how to treat a friend, etc. Do you remember this song: Let's Get Together Artist: The Youngbloods The chorus: Come on people now Smile on your brother Everybody get together Try to love one another Right now We all need to all come together and forget the color of the skin. Stop the fighting and love one another. We show too much hostility to one another and it's crazy.

How to get to know me?

If you look at each one of us we are like onions. We want to get to know the real person. We need to pull back each layer. One at a time to see what each layer represents. Once you get to the middle layer you find the true person and what they really represent. To really know me, read my blog, see me as I pull back each layer for you. I am just like every human being. I have feelings too. I am a book that hasn't been read or looked at. By peeling back the layers you will know me. And that's what I'm doing; I'm peeling back the layers of this onion. I am not from another planet. You look at my outer layer and see what you want to see. There are a few people that got the nerve to go on America's Got Talent. These two people Simon rolled his eyes and saw the outer onion. Once he listened to them act he realized that he was wrong. The two I am talking about is Dorothy Williams and Susan Doyle. Dorothy was 90 and people saw her as old and what can she do to impress us. She fooled you all with her act. Susan Doyle is a little heavy set however she sang from her heart and also impressed you. I need the same chance as them. See to know me and look beyond the layers to a talented and gifted person.

Parents

My father was a paper mill worker, he would bring home boxes of paper products that were rejects. My mother was a house wife, however they both had to keep the farm going. We had about 48 milking cows. We didn't have a parlor, the cows had their own stall with a gate to be locked into. Parents would milk twice a day. My father had a third shift job and still was able to get the milking done. My mother helped with the farming also. W had many acres that needed to be planted and harvested. After a days work my father would go back to work at the paper mill. Farmers job isn't an easy job. I wouldn't make a good farmers wife. Both parents retired from farming back in approximately 1997.

My background

           When You are the third born it's a disliked number. In every family there is always one bad egg or apple in the family. I feel my upbringing caused me not to be able to have or make friends. (True friends) I had two older brothers and one younger sister. We were born three years apart from each other. We all went our separate ways. I am the only one who moved away from my home town. My whole family deserted me from any communication. This bad apple or egg must have been one that slipped out into my mother when they had play time.
             I am tired of having no friends (true friends). True friends are the ones who are there when you had a death in the family for support. Your wedding day, baby announcements, graduation, etc. Friends who are just friends really don't care, they pretend to care but have better things to do than enjoy your events that True friends share with you. Just friends don't really give support to you when a death in the family. I been alone all my life with no (true Friends). Do I have to bribe people to be friends with? Isn't there anyone who cares about others? Did God put self absorbing ungrateful people on this earth? There must be a handful of people who would be willing to get to know the real me. Be true friends I am looking for. I have been looking for 48 years and still looking. "Wow" what the F...